


Nightmare

by whiteleander



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, angst with angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7077994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteleander/pseuds/whiteleander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has had nightmares for as long as you can remember. You're used to it, and you always try to handle him with care in his fragile moments.</p><p>However, the thing that you're completely unfamiliar with and shakes you to your core is when YOU are the one waking up from a nightmare—probably the worst dream you've ever had in your life—which leaves you anxious and makes you question your whole relationship with the former HYDRA assassin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a 'light angst eventually turning into a kind of fluff' sort of one shot but it turned out differently.

Having your good night’s sleep disturbed by nightmares wasn't unfamiliar to you. You regularly were awakened by your boyfriend, Bucky trembling next to you like a sear leaf falling down from a tree in frozen air in late autumn, panting heavily and sometimes screaming like he's about to die when his recurring nightmares hit him at nights. You were used to it, albeit you could never get used to how to handle it—but what you hated more was your helplessness and not knowing how to make it better for him—you still stayed beside Bucky no matter what.

 

What you weren't used to at all was _you_ violently shifting around in your bed, muttering random words while asleep, eventually crying and screaming out loud in the middle of the night, only to find Bucky worriedly trying to get a hold of you and calming you down.

 

For the first time ever, it was the other way around— he was the one trying to comfort you, and not you did it to him.

 

“What's wrong?” He asks gently, brushing your disheveled hair out of your face.

 

You promised not to keep secrets from each other, but this time, you truly regret that oath of yours— you just don’t want to talk about the nightmare you've just encountered.

 

It's just too much.

 

“Hey…?” Bucky pulls you close and embraces you while you are sobbing silently, still not a word leaving your mouth. You should be soothed by his warmth surrounding you, his protective arms firmly but softly around you, but it just doesn't seem to work this time, you just cannot seem to shake off those vivid images you were seeing in your dream, and it doesn't matter that the love of your life is here by your side.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks after a while. You can feel his throbbing heart beating against your chest, echoing your own heartbeats. His flesh fingers are entangled in your hair, caressing your head lovingly. A shaky breath escapes your throat as you feel the coolness of his metal arm on your back— he just doesn't dare touch you with it most of the time for he's always just so afraid of hurting you, and you can feel how lightly he's placed his steely palm on your back now.

 

The truth be told, you've never been bothered by his prosthetic arm, in contrast it actually fascinated you but not this time, not after your bad dream.

 

You just feel like getting far away from that _deadly thing_ and Bucky notices your sudden anxiety, he silently lets you pull away from the hug he's been giving you.

 

“I just need to go to the bathroom… Alone.” You explain in a raspy voice. You're aware how much your distant and cold behaviour can hurt Bucky but you just can't take it anymore. You've basically been his crutches since you two just met and you realise you're feeling both mentally and physically tired, even _drained_.

 

You could never leave Bucky for sure—at least you felt so until now—but it's just too much now, you feel like you need a break. You just need support and not be the one always giving support. You even feel like you've lost yourself in serving him, and you don't even remember the time you truly had fun for yourself.

 

Or maybe it's just your feelings being wrecked by that distressing dream?

 

You've locked yourself in the bathroom and are holding your hands under cold water—you even wash your face—staring in the mirror after some time, wondering if you're just being too selfish or not. But you just cannot forget about your dream, and it doesn't matter if your eyes are wide open, you're reliving the nightmare like it was happening for real.

 

First you actually thought it was real—you could feel the chilly autumn air bruising your skin as you were running in a forest in the dead of night. You even felt that humid air and the smell of dead leaves on the ground, sticking on your shoes, and so was the man chasing you with murderous intent as realistic as a nightmare can ever be.

 

It was Bucky— at least from the outside, but from the inside he was something, someone else. _The Winter Soldier_.

 

You didn't actually remember how the whole thing started in the dream, but you knew that you had to run for your life and that he was sent after you— he'd been brainwashed again, and he'd been commanded to kill you. If it was one of his enemies taking revenge on him by making him kill you or it was just HYDRA recapturing and teaching their Asset a lesson you didn't know, although it didn't even matter.

 

What mattered was when you literally felt the coolness of Bucky’s metal arm around your neck, gripping you stronger and stronger, slowly choking you like he was actually enjoying killing you. It wasn't like his previous missions you'd seen on recordings, no.

 

He'd always been fast and practical, doing the job in the most effective way with no actual feelings. He just did as he was told, nothing less, nothing more. But in that moment he was taking every second smothering you, his lips curling into a satisfied smile as he watched you die under his hand, eyes glistening in the dark

 

For the first time in history, you are afraid—no, you are _terrified_ of Bucky, so much that you just couldn't be in his presence anymore, and this is why you're sitting on the bathroom floor with your legs pulled up and your arms around your legs, head resting on your knees.

 

You just don't know what to do now since you are living together in this small apartment which is outside the city. You are basically alone, and being this defenceless is just horrifying to you.

 

Who would save you from him when he suddenly became HYDRA’s assassin again? Who would stop him from hurting you if he ever lost control over himself again?

 

No one— you'd die a horrible death by the hand of the man you fell in love with. How sadistic and tragic! HYDRA knows what they're doing for sure.

 

You just don't care about how it would affect Bucky himself, your mind is too scared to think clearly, you can only think about yourself. And your instinct says: ‘Run!’

  


Morning slowly comes the next day— you've spent the rest of the night locked up in the bathroom and ended up sleeping in the bath. Whether Bucky came and tried to come in or get you out, you didn't know but you didn't even care.

 

You just hope he's left when you cautiously open the door and leave the bathroom, in order to pack a few essential stuff and leave this freaking place behind for good. You just cannot stay here anymore, it's like the walls are closing in on you, and you're living in your tomb.

 

You miss hearing light footsteps coming behind you as you're eagerly throwing a few of your things into a small bag, although you notice that you're being watched after a time. Your motions gets puzzled, you slow down for a second but you don't stop.

 

“Just tell me, please.” Bucky's deep and quite sad voice sounds from behind, and it makes you shiver— fear is taking control over every inch in your body, you practically feel sick now. “I'm not gonna stop you if you wanna go. I just want to know why.”

 

“You know why,” you whisper after a while. You've finished packing, you'd just want to leave this place and get away from here, get away from _him_ , but you just don't dare turn around and face him. You're too afraid of seeing that sheer bloodlust in the Winter Soldier’s cold blue eyes and emotionless face as in your dream. “Just let me go.”

 

Bucky doesn't reply but you realise when he's disappeared— you feel your stomach getting lighter and the tension in your muscles releases. You turn around only to see the dead air around you, you take one step after another, then you finally arrive at your car. The engine roars on this cold, almost winter-like autumn day and you're getting farther and farther away from the place.

  
You can breathe now, you're feeling free.

**Author's Note:**

> ...well I've been thinking about adding some happier ending to this, but all possible ways I could think of continuing the story sounded like a cliché and I know some other fics with similar themes so maybe I'll just leave this piece as it is.


End file.
